Here we are, at Friday finally… Thank god for that my week has seriously dragged and I’ve had too many down days for my liking.
Currently, I would say my mental health is fucked. .. I am sorry, I don’t know how to put it any more politely other than it is actually fucked.
Timeline of events began when I was 11/12/13 honestly I can’t remember exactly how old I was or exactly when my friend dying happened, it’s a memory that I’ve tried to surpress for years for obvious reasons and now only comes out in brief glimses in my nightmares… Yeah, I didn’t handle it very well. I was young and naive. Give me a break. Basically until I had to have the crisis team phoned on me back in March this year, nobody listened to me growing up about my mental health. Great that isn’t it?
Now as an adult, after having my break down my experience is still shit. Nobody seems to care if I just drop off the face of the planet. My doctor? Nope, Nurse who started me on tablets? Nope.. The Mental health team that was supposed to refer me and check on me… they haven’t done none of that either. I was started on tablets, that didn’t work and actually made me a lot worse to the point I had a 6 hour period of psychosis (to which the doctors didn’t give a flying fuck about and told me not to come off my meds) They were an anti-depressant that I said didn’t work last time so wasn’t sure why it would this time, and I gave them the grace period you’re supposed to give new medication.. but nowhere and no way should it of given me one of my worst episodes of psychosis. It’s traumatic and now when I start freaking out I’m convinced it will happen again and it was terrifying and it made me so tired after my episode. But apparently the doctors don’t care about that.
I was having fortnightly reviews to keep an eye on me, I missed my appointment, on purpose and stopped taking my meds… Did someone phone me to make sure I was okay? Rearrange the appointment? No, I’m classed as a high priority patient, I’ve always been a high priority patient at my doctors due to my many ailments alongside my quickly deteriorating mental health. But no one has phoned me, sent me a letter or anything to see how I’m doing, if I need help or anything. A patient who is classed as dangerous to herself on her medical records has been ignored and brushed under the rug like I don’t even exist and that makes me even less likely to reach out for help from them, because they have treated me with such disregard.
To me, Mental health care in whole needs to be addressed and sorted out… There are so many people that need this help but they’re just not receiving it.
Now, I know what I need to do, I need to ring people up, I need to reach out but I am actually terrified being on the phone to anyone, my anxiety flares up really bad. So I’ll probably just keep bobbing along till I explode fabulously again.
Thanks for chilling with us this Friday for the Mental Health Journey.
Love to you all!