Good day all! Welcome back to my little space of hell on the internet. I hope you enjoy your stay, please read, follow and share. Also hit me up on twitter : tottzilla Thanks! x
General update time! Yay..
I started on some medication recently, it’s an anti-depressant. So far it’s made me little whoozy, floaty and sleepy, but I promised I would give it a few weeks to kick in properly before I dished some serious criticism on them. At the moment I’m only on 7 day prescriptions for the tablets, basically to see how I’m getting on with them and so that I have a good support system at the doctors as well as home and stuff.. So I will do as I am told, I’ll let them work their magic.
I’ve been a bit, here and there honestly, my moods are still fluctuating and there isn’t a middle ground, I think I would cope better if I just had a middle ground to be honest. I was a bit absent last week because I’ve been really poorly past few weeks with my chest (to which I’m being sent for an x ray on my chest and further investigation into whether I’ve developed asthma or not as well) Then, as you all know I’ve been staying at my parents whilst receiving my treatment and putting things into place, as you may know my dad has 2 dogs, Tyson and Missy.. I grew up with them and Missy in particular was my best friend, when I’ve been sad or my moods have been haywire, I’d come to missy, we’d cuddle and she’d kiss my cheek and everything would feel like it will be better. I did this even after I moved out of my parents house when I had my first child. Friday last week we had to take her to the vets because she became very poorly and swollen all on the one side of her body. To which we then found out that she had a tumour sort of chest/shoulder area which was causing pressure on the nerves and that’s where the swelling came from. She was alread 12/13 years old and the vet gave us the scenario that even after surgery, chemo and possible amputation that she might not even make it out okay in the end, so my parents made the decision to not put her through the stress and pain (she really gets worked up going to the vets) She couldn’t walk and the vet said from what he could feel it felt like the tumour was at least half the size of her head. That’s a fucking big tumour, she wasn’t a big dog, she was a staffie cross. We had to have her put to sleepp, it was the kindest thing my parents could do to her. So I guess I’ve been a little weird since, I’m big on animals, I actively donate, money and time and fight for animals, I value their lives above humans and always have done.
So that’s why I’ve been absent, may say weird things and act funny right now. I’m not sure how to deal with the loss of my best friend, she was literally the world to me, always happy to see me, always missed me, she’s been helping me relax and keep my moods levelish. Tyson bless him has been keeping me company and letting me spoil him and fuss him when I’m feeling a little out of sorts and I love him to pieces but she was my baby, she used to sleep in my bed with her head on my pillow and everything. I literally have nightmares at night of her as she’s going to sleep, I have the constant image of when they started to give her the stuff as she fell onto her side, every time I close my eyes, every time I try and go to sleep.
I think it will take me some time to get used to her not being here, I keep waking up or going into a room and expecting her to be wagging her tail and looking at me with such affection… I guess, people just don’t understand how much this has affected me, to some people she’s just a pet, to me she was like a child, a part of the family… I have just lost a member of my family and I’d appreciate it if people stopped trying to down play on that.
Anyway enough ramblings, Sorry I’m being a depressive tool again. Please come back though!
Love to you all!